


I'm a fool to want you

by casmund



Category: Preacher (TV)
Genre: Complicated Relationships, F/M, Jesse is not in the story but he's on both their minds all the time, M/M, Missing Scene, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-18 20:56:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7330390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casmund/pseuds/casmund
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which everyone just pines after Jesse terribly, but Cassidy also tries to make best of what he's offered.<br/>In a way, it's a fix-it to that scene in the car in 1x05. Also, it is rather angsty and gay for m/f smut it was supposed to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm a fool to want you

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my native language and I apologize for any mistakes or misuse of Irish slang.
> 
> Also, I have a fixation on Cassidy's mouth (doesn't all fandom?) and I have no regrets.
> 
> For Nordamonus.

"We are in love," she said, but it didn't really feel like any sort of love Cassidy could think of. However, he was not a person who could say no to a pretty lass when one came to him. He probably should've thought better, considering the fact that it wasn't just another girl, but he was just a man, and a weak man, at that. A century did nothing to teach him patience.

  
So this was how he ended up kissing Tulip right there near the parking lot. He put his hand into her hair, pulling her closer in, and musing on how her lips were probably the only soft thing about her - she was so tensed, all sharp angles and what felt like bottled-up destructive energy under smooth skin, and oh, he would be a liar if he said he didn't love it. Cassidy broke the kiss just to look at her and stroked her cheek gently, from which she visibly struggled not to shudder away.

  
"Why do I feel you're trying to bribe me here, love, eh?" He asked, half-jokingly, half-seriously, not really caring which variant she'd pick to believe in. He still had a bottle of drugs in his grip, and while it was certainly nice, it didn't really fit into one picture.

  
"I dunno," she shrugged, tugging him closer to her car, "Do all vampires have trust issues?"

  
"I wouldn't know, haven't met many meself," he snorted, "but it would be pretty logical, wouldn't it?"

  
He kissed her again, closing his eyes just to stop seeing her face which beneath all the fierce and angry was plain sad, if he was being honest.

  
He remembered the reason he was here, remembered a kiss that nearly happened the other night in the church, when both he and Jesse were drunk enough to giggle stupidly and lean too close into each other's space. Okay, maybe Cassidy wasn't that drunk, maybe he did plan this, but he was just a man (he thought about it an awfully lot for a vampire) and he was keen on making mistakes. And Jesse Custer was one of the biggest, most stupid mistakes he made lately, which was only proved next morning when Cassidy approached him carefully. Not only he got a cold detached treatment, but Jesse also exploded (or at least came very close to exploding, as far as Cassidy could tell) with "What is wrong with you?" He didn't have a good answer for that, and even though the idea to get lost in drugs and sex was a little pitiful, he couldn't think of anything else to will thoughts about Jesse away. Padre got under his skin way too fast, with all his Samaritan kindness, supernatural power and handsome face, and Cassidy really needed to distract himself from him. And there he was, having found a little more than he hoped for, but also having lost something else he didn't even know he had.

  
"What about that boyfriend of yours?" he asked after their lips parted again. He felt a little dizzy after the kiss and didn't expect her to all but push him in her car.

  
"Maybe you were right," she shrugged, slipping into driver's seat and gripping the steering wheel so hard her knuckles whitened. "Maybe he's not the man I thought he was anymore. And I really want you not to talk about it."

  
Cassidy kept silent while she was driving away to park in the middle of nowhere. What of it? Everyone would want some comfort, whether you were a century old vampire with an unhealthy obsession on a problematic preacher or (at least it would seem so) a girl whose boyfriend screwed her, choosing a quiet life instead of blood and revenge. He suddenly saw something familiar in her - the way she spoke, the way her anger boiled under seemingly calm surface - she reminded him of Jesse terribly. The main difference was how unapologetic she was about herself, especially comparing to Jesse, who was, with all his power, trying to be a humble Lord's servant.

  
Tulip looked at Cassidy and opened the door just to get into backseat of the car. "Are you coming or not?" she glared at him.

"Not yet, love, but I sure hope I will soon."

She smacked him in the shoulder and he laughed, getting out the car to join her. The look in her eyes was still sad and angry, but it was also a little softer than before. Or so he would like to think.

She shuddered visibly when he kissed her neck, and he pulled away to have a look at her.

"I'm still not sure there's no fangs danger there," she said. He smirked.

"There isn't, I swear on my granny's grave," which made her laugh, at last.

She didn't let him take her clothes off, so he decided not to worry about his own either, letting her have this pretence of a distance between them. But when she turned away from him, propping her elbows on a window, hiding her face, he was unsure if she even truly wanted this. She was wet and shivered slightly in that sweet way that he knew was enjoyable when he touched her through her panties though, so he decided not to overthink it. She was tight and hot and he barely stopped himself from sinking his teeth into her shoulder. He was moving sharp yet steady, and he got off way sooner than he thought he would. Cassidy was busy throwing a condom through a window when she opened a door on her side and nearly slid out of the car.

"Where are you going?" he caught her hand, using a little more strength than he usually would with a girl. He really didn't want her to go.

"Well someone's gotta drive us back into town?" she answered, sounding more tired than annoyed and looking at him without probably even seeing him.

"Wait. Wait, Tulip. We got nowhere to hurry, right?" He was spent, but far from sated, especially seeing how she was still as tensed as she was before. Jesus, she had been more at ease when he was bleeding out all over her lap. He kissed her carefully and she sighed, leaning into his touch a little. He slowly slid his hands under her jacket and shirt, caressing her waist and back with his fingers, amazed at how small she seemed against his palms. He tugged at her ear, biting it gently, and whispered, his voice hoarse and low: "Just tell me if you want me to stop, love, and I will, that I'll do." She shook her head, still not looking at him. He closed the door she opened and pulled down her jeans, not taking them off entirely, but enough to spread her legs. A car was certainly too small for this, and it was getting too hot inside, but all of these little details just made him appreciate the moment more. He couldn't really remember when he last wanted to please someone enough not to care about himself.

He pressed his tongue against her, feeling the bloodbeat and having to stop for a moment to swallow another desire, the one he was so used to he rarely paid any attention to. But Tulip moaned, and it was the most he got from her today, so he forgot about anything else soon enough, adding fingers and focusing on making her feel good. If she gave him a few moments of blissful pleasure of forgetting about damn Jesse Custer, it was the least he could do for her. That boyfriend of hers was a rare piece of idiot not to cherish this marvellous woman, and Cassidy was certainly going to make her feel better than that miserable bastard ever did.

Tulip grabbed into his hair when he crooked his fingers inside her, licking her in long slow stripes.

"I will murder you if you don't move faster," she panted and he complied, grinning and wondering if she could feel him grin.

He didn't catch the exact moment she came, but her moans were getting quieter while her breathing got louder and more frantic and then she pushed him away,  trembling and sweaty. He smiled at her, licking his lips and wiping the rest off with a back of his hand.

"I don't suppose it's easy with you," she huffed.

"I never said it was, love," he shrugged and got out of the car. "You won't mind if I drive, will you?"

Tulip stayed in the back of the car, so he took it as a yes. She was sleeping when he looked in the mirror, stopping near her uncle's house driveway. For a few moments he looked at her fine features, softer in her sleep, before reaching out to gently shake her shoulder.

Sweet Jesus. Cassidy really should stop giving his heart to all the handsome strangers he met in Annville.


End file.
